hopelessly adrift in the eyes of the ghost again. down on my knees and my hands in the air again, pushing my face in the memory of you again but I never know if it's real. never know how I wanted to feel. never quite said what I wanted to say to you. never quite managed the words to explain to you. never quite knew how to make them believable. and now the time has gone, another time undone, hopelessly fighting the devil. futility. feeling the monster climb deeper inside of me, feeling him gnawing my heart away hungrily.

i'll never lose this pain, never dream of you again